Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
