nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
