Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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