This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize