Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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