absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
