remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
