she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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