Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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