i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
