if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize