I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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