Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
