hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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