i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
