I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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