Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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