Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
