Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
