there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
