Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
