Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I could make wine with my vomit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
