I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize