I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
