god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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