Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize