just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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