While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
