So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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