I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
