That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
