im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
