Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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