i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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