hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
