There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
