i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
