im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
