Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize