I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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