you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
