okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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