bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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