If i come over, it means nothing
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
