why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Randomize
