Cold hands, warm shart.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize