my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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