My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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