My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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