i think i have herpe
just one?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
