Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
