ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
