don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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