so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
