Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
