I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
