You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
