my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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