Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
