don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Two words: blizzard sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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