Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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