Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
