Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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