I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
