I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
