I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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