I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
