I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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