Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
